Our editor joined in conversation with *Carmen Valle a real, first-time mom in Los Angeles, who spoke with us about her experience going back to work, with a new baby, during quarantine. Her baby was four months old when her maternity leave ended in May, and Carmen, 44, had likely expected a different set of challenges than what new moms are being dealt now. Although Carmen was able to secure a support system for her family, navigating the end of maternity leave during a global pandemic has no modern-day precedent to learn from. She candidly shed light on her experience—including what she considers her ‘saving grace’.
LHM
You’re one of the first moms we’ve met, whose maternity leave ended during the peak disarray of quarantine, with public uncertainty and confusion in every direction. In your case, was back to work from home or in the office?
CV
There was so much unknown at that time, and for a while I wasn’t sure what my employer would be expecting of me in terms of how, or where, I’d be going back to work. Like everyone else, I was kind of just glued to the news and taking it day by day, to see which way the wind would blow. Ultimately, I ended up working from home, which was a big relief for me and my family.
LHM
Did you feel ready to start working when you did?
CV
Not at all. I definitely did not feel a four month leave was enough time to bond with my baby. I have a very demanding job. It’s a fast-paced and stressful environment in my line of work—projects needing quick turnarounds, lots of meetings and frequent after-work, commitments. I’m in a management position, so there’s a ton of accountability and pressure on me. I wasn’t sure how I would be able to carry that load, and deep down in my heart I really didn’t want to pull any of my attention away from my baby while he was still so young.
LHM
Sadly, some would say you’re lucky to have had a four month maternity leave. Was it ultimately as hard as you had expected?
CV
I honestly feel that my ‘quarantine’ work is more stressful and even busier than it would be in normal times. There is no separation between work and home life, it’s just nonstop in both directions, from the moment I roll out of bed, into my ‘home’ office. My husband is also working from home, so that was a new dynamic for us to contend with, in addition to having a newborn. And—obviously we are all continuously dealing with the extra stressors of the pandemic, racial injustice, and our current administration. So, yeah, working moms are working really hard right now.
LHM
Yes, wow, we all feel you on that one. Do you have any household support for your baby, so that you and your husband can both work efficiently?
CV
Yes, we are fortunate enough to have a full-time nanny. Otherwise, there would be no way we could both work, given the situation we’re in. Neither of us was going to quit our job, so having a nanny in our home made sense. We were so lucky to have found her right when my maternity leave was ending, and caregivers were considered essential workers. In many ways, she’s really our saving grace during this time. My heart goes out to the parents who don’t have any help with their little ones during this difficult time.
LHM
How did you navigate the hiring process for your nanny in the midst of the global pandemic?
CV
It was extremely stressful. We had just hired our nanny right before the quarantine started in LA. We had had some conversations with her about safety in general, but we quickly had to become comfortable discussing pandemic-related precautions, as information was unfolding and changing every day. But, when Governor Newsom made the abrupt shelter-in-place announcement, we had to make a quick judgement call to decide if we were going to be able to bring her into our home at all—without having much info about COVID-19 from anywhere. We ultimately made a deal with one another, that each of us were committed to being careful and quarantining with only our immediate families. I’m happy to say that she’s been with us for five months now and is such a great addition to our little family. We are very lucky to have found her, and know that we’ll be bonded for life after this.
LHM
What safety precautions do you take to take in your home, to make sure your family and your nanny all stay healthy?
CV
We take all of our temperatures every day. And we ask that our nanny remove all of her outerwear before she enters our home. She changes clothes again when she goes back home. Aside from that, we are honest with each other about any public or social interactions. We have a mutual agreement that we need to be able to contract trace anyone we’ve been around outside of our immediate families. We only go to the grocery store and occasionally to an open park, for a change of scenery for the baby. For the most part, none of us are taking risks.
LHM
Does your baby have a daily routine, or do you just roll with it?
CV
Our nanny and I developed a routine together, based on her experience and my internet research. I knew absolutely nothing about babies before having my son, so for some of it, I try go off of instincts. But to understand fundamental things like feeding, sleeping, and daily routines, I do a lot of reading so I can decide what’s best for my baby before jumping into anything. Then, our nanny is the one who can really guide us on how to implement and adjust everything relating to it.
LHM
Yes, having an extra set of hands is one thing, but having a professional eye is really the key to taking the stress out of the challenges. Speaking of stress—are you able to separate ‘work’ emotions from ‘home’?
CV
I wish I could say yes to this question, but honestly I’m a work in progress.
LHM
Who handles the domestic duties in your home, like grocery shopping, baby supply shopping, and home maintenance?
CV
It’s a collective effort between the three of us. My husband handles the grocery shopping, and I handle ordering all things for the baby. Our nanny handles the daily baby laundry, and helps us keep our house tidy. Everything else relating to our home is equally split between me and my husband, depending on the project.
LHM
What, if anything, could have made the transition back to work easier for you?
CV
More time with my baby. The U.S. has terrible maternity leave benefits. I know that I am considered lucky to have had four months, but it’s honestly just not enough time to recover mentally and physically, AND bond with your baby. Four months is still a fragile time, and we just weren’t ready for me to shift my focus away.
LHM
What’s the hardest thing about balancing work and life during this time?
CV
The hardest thing for me, is that we are unable to spend time with friends and family who want to help out with the baby. It really does take a village of people to help, and quite honestly we were counting on people that we loved to occasionally babysit or visit —all those things like them holding him, playing with him, and him feeling the love of his relatives is something we expected to lean on. Our nanny has become that much more crucial in our family, because she’s the only part of a village we have at the moment. Even still, with work and life, it feels like we are “ON” 24/7.
LHM
At risk of sounding ridiculous, we have to ask: Do you have any time for yourself or for your husband?
CV
I honestly do not have any time for myself. Well maybe if you count the 20 minutes in the shower, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. My husband and I do try to spend at least an hour or two of alone time each night before we go to sleep. We eat dinner together and then watch tv. But as soon as 10pm hits, I am knocked out!
LHM
Sounds familiar. Any advice you would give to other new moms who are preparing to go back to work?
CV
I would just say to be really easy on yourself. You’re going to mess up sometimes, and that is okay. You simply may not have the time or energy to bring your full self to work like you did pre-baby. And that is okay, too. Also, when it gets tough and guilt creeps in, just remember that you are working for your little ones. You are doing everything you can, to create the best life possible for them. And you will get through it all! xx
*Name has been changed to protect the privacy of the individual.
